It's been a while. Where to begin. I think i havn't written in so long because i've been thinking about SO much that i havn't been able to pick one thing out to write about. So we will have to see how this goes.
I've always wanted to be an angel. Ever since i can remember ive wanted to become an angel. I rememeber when i was little i wanted to grow up and be one, but then i found out that you can't pick that as a "Grown-up-job." I'm pretty sure i cried. Odd thing to want to be, right? I know. I don't know why. I think its as odd a dream just as any might say it is. I've just always been facinated by them. I was talking to a good friend the other day and he pointed out that angels are not emphasized in the bible so people would not worship them over God, which i think makes perfect sence. Obviously, God in all his glory, deserves all our worship.
BUT can't you see us, mere humans, getting caught up in how awesome angels are? How they get to serve our amazing God every single day? Think of all they have witnessed? Think of what they have to say about when 1/3 of them went off with satan? I bet thats a story in itself. Think also how they get to sit around all day praising God just singing out praises to him. Who wouldn't want to be in the angel choir in heaven? That would probally be the best job... IN THE WORLD. And where did guarding angels come from? Do really have those? If so mines probally beside me popping me on the head for asking a dumb question. I know there put on this earth to help carry out God's plan and protect us. Think about that, the fact that you could of 'accidently' overlooked an Angel that was protecting you from harms way.
So see, obviously its so easy to get caught up in how awesome they are, or maybe thats just me.
Good thing in everything that there doing its worship God. What an example we should try to follow. Not the whole flying part and all, just the honoring God in every single thing we do. Hm.
So, i've been stuck in a rock in a hard place lately. Im trying to make some pretty HUGE decisions. Some not as important as others, but still affect my life in a significant way non the less. So ive been praying about it all for weeks on end, and you know what? I still dont know what to do. And frankly, im so frustrated. Now im not sitting here saying that when i pray i expect and audible voice to come down from above and tell me what to do or for an angel to appear telling me all i need to know, hah. I don't need a sign, or any of that jazz. I just would like some reassurance when i think about the subject, you know what i mean? Now i know im not the most confident person in the world. I will glaldy admit that to any person who might ask me. I share no shame in telling you the truth. Im a sinner saved by grace with alot of things to fix on my way. But all these important things i have decide on, which lets stop to say that i am by no means a decisive person in the least bit, i wish there was an easier way to know whats right. I'm so afraid that im going to be dead set on one thing shoot for it and then BAM run into a shut door. Which is not the best feeling in the world, trust me i've done it before.
On another note, i think i have an issue with commitment. Which i never really noticed before. I guess we can all pause for a sigh and a "brittany may be growing up."
But its not that ive tried to deny it or anything, i'm just now noticing it. And its not like i want it. OR that i decide that im just going to not commit to anything i just have trouble doing it. I guess it leads back to the me not being decisive and also worrying that im choosing the wrong thing, or person.
So yes, i said it. Maybe thats what i've been trying to get too. How are we supposed to know your picking the right person to pursue a relationship with? I mean, i know God cares, but does God have guys lined up for you, or in other cases-girls, that your supposed to date before you get to your ment-to-be husband/wife? Which obviously he already knows if you are going to choose to date before marriage and who those people will be and what they will change in your life and how they will open up another door to something he is trying to teach you, but would he also give you the wisdom on which ones might cause less stress/turmoil/tears/ everything else that might come along with the lovely world of highschool relationships.
Praise Jesus im almost done with that chapter of my life.
Now i know its in the statistics for me to have commital problems, as the result of my parents being divorced. Yes i know, according to research i will have relationship issues, due to the fact that apperntly im confused on what a "real relationship" is supposed to look like, and i am also at a higher risk of getting divorced when i am married. But to be honest, i think that's all a load of crap. And i can not even begin to explain the fire that gets worked up inside me when they telll me i am destined for failure.
I am sorry, but frankly, i don't think ANYONE has the right to sit there and tell me that i will not have a succesful marriage just because my parents did not work out. I understand the baggage and issues i have to work through on my own to make my future marraige work out but that does mean that you can go so quick to say that i do not have that ability to work through all those things before i get married. Thank you very much. And another thing, whats with people settling these days? Im not sure. How about someone told me my standards were TOO HIGH for todays average teenage boy. Oh im sorry im just looking for man after Gods heart, not the guy the world tells him to be. They said its going to take a long time and alot of heartbreaks to realize that guys going to be hard to find. Well heartbreaks im not so sure about, but time i can deal with waiting for that guy. Im not in any rush.
This all goes back to the commitment thing you will see in a second.
How do you seperate your your feelings for what you know is right?
How do i solve the problem of knowing what i want and knowing what i need. Or knowing what i may want so badly, and may end up getting, could mean that im settling? But who am i to say im settling right? How do i know what i need at 17? I don't. What if the one person we always shut our doors too is the exact person God knows you need in your life. What if yall are supposed to grow together? Oh brother i dont know. My brain is begining to hurt going back and forth like this.
All i know is that Gods throwing me through some crazy stuff these days. Im not saying im not loving but im also saying im not hating it. Who ever said Gods road would be easy right? I'm pretty sure it may be the hardest road traveled today. I do know one thing im ready for whatever he throws my way.
I've always wanted to be an angel. Ever since i can remember ive wanted to become an angel. I rememeber when i was little i wanted to grow up and be one, but then i found out that you can't pick that as a "Grown-up-job." I'm pretty sure i cried. Odd thing to want to be, right? I know. I don't know why. I think its as odd a dream just as any might say it is. I've just always been facinated by them. I was talking to a good friend the other day and he pointed out that angels are not emphasized in the bible so people would not worship them over God, which i think makes perfect sence. Obviously, God in all his glory, deserves all our worship.
BUT can't you see us, mere humans, getting caught up in how awesome angels are? How they get to serve our amazing God every single day? Think of all they have witnessed? Think of what they have to say about when 1/3 of them went off with satan? I bet thats a story in itself. Think also how they get to sit around all day praising God just singing out praises to him. Who wouldn't want to be in the angel choir in heaven? That would probally be the best job... IN THE WORLD. And where did guarding angels come from? Do really have those? If so mines probally beside me popping me on the head for asking a dumb question. I know there put on this earth to help carry out God's plan and protect us. Think about that, the fact that you could of 'accidently' overlooked an Angel that was protecting you from harms way.
So see, obviously its so easy to get caught up in how awesome they are, or maybe thats just me.
Good thing in everything that there doing its worship God. What an example we should try to follow. Not the whole flying part and all, just the honoring God in every single thing we do. Hm.
So, i've been stuck in a rock in a hard place lately. Im trying to make some pretty HUGE decisions. Some not as important as others, but still affect my life in a significant way non the less. So ive been praying about it all for weeks on end, and you know what? I still dont know what to do. And frankly, im so frustrated. Now im not sitting here saying that when i pray i expect and audible voice to come down from above and tell me what to do or for an angel to appear telling me all i need to know, hah. I don't need a sign, or any of that jazz. I just would like some reassurance when i think about the subject, you know what i mean? Now i know im not the most confident person in the world. I will glaldy admit that to any person who might ask me. I share no shame in telling you the truth. Im a sinner saved by grace with alot of things to fix on my way. But all these important things i have decide on, which lets stop to say that i am by no means a decisive person in the least bit, i wish there was an easier way to know whats right. I'm so afraid that im going to be dead set on one thing shoot for it and then BAM run into a shut door. Which is not the best feeling in the world, trust me i've done it before.
On another note, i think i have an issue with commitment. Which i never really noticed before. I guess we can all pause for a sigh and a "brittany may be growing up."
But its not that ive tried to deny it or anything, i'm just now noticing it. And its not like i want it. OR that i decide that im just going to not commit to anything i just have trouble doing it. I guess it leads back to the me not being decisive and also worrying that im choosing the wrong thing, or person.
So yes, i said it. Maybe thats what i've been trying to get too. How are we supposed to know your picking the right person to pursue a relationship with? I mean, i know God cares, but does God have guys lined up for you, or in other cases-girls, that your supposed to date before you get to your ment-to-be husband/wife? Which obviously he already knows if you are going to choose to date before marriage and who those people will be and what they will change in your life and how they will open up another door to something he is trying to teach you, but would he also give you the wisdom on which ones might cause less stress/turmoil/tears/ everything else that might come along with the lovely world of highschool relationships.
Praise Jesus im almost done with that chapter of my life.
Now i know its in the statistics for me to have commital problems, as the result of my parents being divorced. Yes i know, according to research i will have relationship issues, due to the fact that apperntly im confused on what a "real relationship" is supposed to look like, and i am also at a higher risk of getting divorced when i am married. But to be honest, i think that's all a load of crap. And i can not even begin to explain the fire that gets worked up inside me when they telll me i am destined for failure.
I am sorry, but frankly, i don't think ANYONE has the right to sit there and tell me that i will not have a succesful marriage just because my parents did not work out. I understand the baggage and issues i have to work through on my own to make my future marraige work out but that does mean that you can go so quick to say that i do not have that ability to work through all those things before i get married. Thank you very much. And another thing, whats with people settling these days? Im not sure. How about someone told me my standards were TOO HIGH for todays average teenage boy. Oh im sorry im just looking for man after Gods heart, not the guy the world tells him to be. They said its going to take a long time and alot of heartbreaks to realize that guys going to be hard to find. Well heartbreaks im not so sure about, but time i can deal with waiting for that guy. Im not in any rush.
This all goes back to the commitment thing you will see in a second.
How do you seperate your your feelings for what you know is right?
How do i solve the problem of knowing what i want and knowing what i need. Or knowing what i may want so badly, and may end up getting, could mean that im settling? But who am i to say im settling right? How do i know what i need at 17? I don't. What if the one person we always shut our doors too is the exact person God knows you need in your life. What if yall are supposed to grow together? Oh brother i dont know. My brain is begining to hurt going back and forth like this.
All i know is that Gods throwing me through some crazy stuff these days. Im not saying im not loving but im also saying im not hating it. Who ever said Gods road would be easy right? I'm pretty sure it may be the hardest road traveled today. I do know one thing im ready for whatever he throws my way.
I hope.
