The After Life.

Death: It's something we are all destined for and is the leading cause to 100% of the people that leave this earth. So why are we all so shocked by it? Why then, do we mourn the lost of loved ones so much to the point its unhealthy? Why do we want everyone that means even a small morsal to us, to be stuck on this earth, in whatever situation they might be in, why would we want them here with us just so we dont have to live with out them, instead of them being free of this mess and onto an eternity of paradise?

Could the one subject of death be the ultimate example of our selfishness?

Of course, its completly natural to be upset over a lost one, but if we KNOW there a christian and we know were saved, then really this isnt saying goodbye, more of a "i'll see you soon." So do we display our human tendancy of selfishness and "i want what makes me happy" when death is brought on? Personaly, i think so. It was kind of a personal revelation today when i thought this up. I heard a sermon last night at midtown about being content in every circumstance. No matter what. Good times, Bad times. Everything. If we are content in Christ at all times, what then could rob us of our joy? Nothing on this earth would have that power. If we were all content in Christ would we be so selfish as to wish that someone suffering to the point its killing them to stay on this earth just so they dont leave US? Rather than them being set free to live with there creator, pain free. I don't understand it. I will admit that saying "i want to be content in Christ at all times, no matter what is going on" is ALOT easier said than done, but imagine if a small group of people did do that. The ripple affect would be earth shattering. That's one of my new goals. Seems a little more dominant compared to the other ones now that seem childish.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV)

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future

My great grandpa was pronounced dead at 1:25 today. just as i finished typeing everything above this. At 93, he's lived a long life. One that many people will remember. He served in the WW2 and was a passionate lover of golf. To me, he was like my personal popye, laugh included and all. He even had the tatoos, the bald head, he cooked AND even in his 90's he still had the muscle arms. The laugh was just the cherry on top. He had a sense of humor too. One that could get anyone laughing, no matter the age. He was loving and gentle and someone i'll never forget. I dont want to remember him how i last saw him. He was in more pain than i ever want to witness anyone i love that much in. This slapped me in the face when i thought about how God had to watch his son die. How mind boggling is that? I had to watch my grandfather, hooked up to machines, barely strong enough to hold his head up, bu still managed a smile, and i thought i wasnt going to last? How much of a pathetic human am i? My mom, who drove up to augusta late last night when they got the call that he had less than 24 hrs to live, said that the whites of his eyes were now black and he wasnt blinking, and she was pretty sure he had gone blind, around 1:00 he was being kept alive by his pace maker, and they were waiting for the docter to pronounce him dead. They were just waiting on him to stop breathing. I was praying with all my might over here, but i wasnt sure what to pray for.

Do i pray for strength? hes holding on by a hair in more pain than ive ever witnessed, and im praying that God will give him what he needs to endure this? Or do i pray that he will give my family strength for when he brings him home to paradise? Do i pray for contentment that they will be able to see the light side of this that he is home now, pain free, IN PARADISE shareing his popye laugh with everyone. Now that hes released from this, im praying for wisdom. I know exactly what i want to say when my parents come home and have to break the news to the rest of my brothers and sister. I know exactly what i want to say when i have to see my dear gradma, one of my role models in life, and i have to see her broken down for the lost of her earthly father. Do i keep my mouth shut and wait for the right time to say that now is when she needs to depend on her heavenly father? or that we can be satisfied in Christ becasue he, unlike humans, are not going anywhere. And he will always bring us joy no matter WHAT the circumstance. I think im going to save it. For a day or so at least, i dont think today would be the right day. I guess now i know to pray for comfort then the right words.

So one last question. Is it wrong of me to be this calm after a death of a loved one? That im sitting here wondering how to say everything? Or is this where the strength of Christ comes? im not sure. I know one thing. I really dont want to voice the fact that im this calm. That im releaved that he isnt suffering. Yes, i will shed a tear when i have to think back that ill never get one of his hugs, he was one of the best to get a hug from, and im sure i am going to break down when im sitting at his funeral. But these feelings wont all last. They are unreliable just like everything, but christ. the song in christ alone came to mind when i finished typing all this.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath.Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

If you think about it, could you keep my family in your prayers?

sorry, your just one person.

SO. I decided i wish there were more hours in the day. I need about 8 more to everything i need done, finished. I had little brawl with someone i will leave unmentioned about how i busy myself too much. about how i need to stop planning things so i can help out at home and so i can have some down time. but what if i dont want down time? i like being busy alot and overwhelmed with planning service projects. there statement really, is what lit my fire when they said "your just one person you cant do it all". well amen to that. im just one person who is trying to make a differance, trying to show people that teenagers dont fit into the normal status quo, that we can make a differance. im going to make a differance. i continued in this argument by saying that if i walked around with that attitude, along with all the other people who have that same look on things, nothing would ever get done in this world and things would never change. its hard when your trying to serve your God and people who you have to listen to are you pushing you away from your goal. when there telling you you cant, you dont have time, or it just doesnt work out. how can we keep this fire if we dont have people spuring us on? whats amazing is most of them are involved with the church and just because im not graduated from high school with a college degree and tital to my name, its out of the norm and not acceptable for me to plan and do a service project. seems a little wack to me.

Bevens Love

so..there's this girl named brittany. and i love her a lot. she means the world to me and she has been an awesome friend to me since the 7th grade. :] we've been through a lot and unless ju-ju bugs come to life, i plan on knowing her for a while.

bevens -- next time your on my computer...you might want to sign out. just a thought. let that sink in. :]

iloveyou!

urgency.

Apathy: noun

1.absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2.lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

I think that america is cursed with apathy. And most people that would say they are not apathetic are only concerned with themselves. Which is what is sending america into a downward spiral. We are taught that success is key. You NEED to look perfect, in looking perfect that will help you find the right people you NEED to associate yourself with, in spending time with them it will lead you to being noticed for your status among people, which will lead you to a high status job, which leads you to millions of dollars that you dont need all for yourself which in high hopes leads you to your soul mate who has a higher status job with you (of course)so that they can with out a doubt support you so that the two of you can have a bunch of perfect little kids and live happily ever after. All of which i think is crap. Partly because i want someone to sit me down and explain the deffinition of perfect because until i know amercias definition of it i cant even begin to get started on the next thousand steps that lead you to a perfect life. Which, on a side note, if you look back all are self centered and only focus on your well being in life. Go figure.

The only thing i know of that is and will always be perfect is Jesus. Which is awesome because nothing compares to him. Nothing can give you the satisfaction like he can. I think its him people are searching for. They know somethings missing, cant put a finger on it so they add more money, more houses, more everything that we are over consumed with thinking it will fulfil there empty feeling.

What if, i may be going out on a wild limb here, America took the chance to look to God to fulfil there emptyness. Because if he is the only perfect thing then really you cant consider success with out him, can you? What if we all gained an urgency for God. Instead of looking to ourselves and what we can do to satisfy OUR needs we'd be looking to help others, which alone, would change ALOT of our problems we have now. The list goes on at the possiblites of change.

Thats something i would love to see happen.

As one of by fare the best bands, in my opinon, have said " God i am losing my apathy and God i am gaining an urgency." What if that was our modo. rid ourselves of apathy and gain urgancy for the only thing that falls under the catagory perfect.

Which leads me to another thought. I think that we should change the definition of perfect. Instead of me just typing it in to dictionary.com and getting 15 possible answers i think it should of popped up as

1. God

and that be the end of that search. That would probally help alot of other people out too.

This is kind of hard. I translate better through words but, trying to turn it from just brain storming and random thoughts i have to translate it into something thats readable. And on top of it being readable it has to be easy to follow. Which the way my brain works is not easy unless you understand my thinking pattern. SO its like i just translated my thoughts not only into english but also french spanish and korean. yay for being bilengual.