Please, RELAX.

In my personal opinion, people today have very short tempers. Everything gets us so worked up even if it’s the smallest thing, like someone cutting you off while driving, or something taking too long in the line at the store, or any of the other things that come to your mind when you think of getting angry.

I feel as though I have to walk on egg shells to make sure im making everyone happy.

To make sure that there is not one person I might be making angry. Now, would you consider this a wrong way of living? Some might. Because ULTIMATLEY we are supposed to only live to please God. And that’s what I try to do. I try to live only to serve him. But I feel like I try to turn pleasing God into pleasing people. I love serving. I love volunteering. I love taking time to spend with people who just need to talk. I love doing anything and everything that might include helping someone else. But I think, no, I KNOW that I do it too often. Is that possible? I feel like I tend to ignore my personal issues. The ones I should work out before trying to help someone else, or the fact that I am one of the best procrastinators you may ever meet. Im not sure how to approach this. There are verses on all of these. Not putting things off until tomorrow, putting others above your self, not being lazy, and not being worried. All this stuff that I get caught up in.

Sorry for the tangent. Back to the original topic.

I feel like we waste way to much of our life being upset. Imagine how much easier things would be if some of us just learned to let things go? Someone’s a little late meeting you? Oh well, no one can control traffic. Someone forgets to call you back? There is more to life than keeping up with your cell phone. Plans get ruined? Maybe God stopped them from happening to prevent something else from happening. I don’t know maybe it’s just me. Maybe I should learn to care MORE or something. So this could be a skewed view of the subject. I really don’t care because I honestly feel like the world needs to lighten up, just a tad. Think of the time we waste? Some people go hours, days, months, years, and lifetimes not talking over something miniscule. It’s so lame. I mean, I understand that parents, teachers and who ever else might be an authority figure- yell at you, punish you or get angry with you to teach you life lessons, or academic lessons, whatever. BUT I am sorry, maybe its just me, but I do not think me being 3 minutes late to your class is going to cause the world to stop when I walk through the door and hinder any learning I may receive in that class. I won’t even get started on parental issues. I just think that parents need to learn to let some things go, lighten up a bit. Kids are not perfect. We are learning to live life just as you are learning how to raise us to live it. You freaking out over every single thing that we don’t do right doesn’t help us much but to just realize that we are even more screwed up then we already thought. It’s overwhelming.

Psalms 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil.

Im backkkkkkkkk

• So, just for the record, I was not kidnapped, nor did I get lost or forget my password. I simply have just been busy beyond words. Which is odd because I feel as though I have not done anything productive throughout my busyness? What a let down.
  
  Anyways, another excuse for my absence from my blog is that I have had SO much on my mind I have not been able to pin-point one thing to write about. This has become very overwhelming. Instead of just going on and on about at least one thing I’ve just been thinking over EVERYTHING and it’s driving me insane. So here I am, hoping I will be able to spit some of my thoughts out about what has been keeping my mind so occupied.
  
  It’s crazy how much has changed in just a little over a month. Seriously, a lot has been flipped around and turned upside down. For starters, my mother, bless her heart, decided I needed to be tested. I leave it at tested because all she made me aware of was being tested for A.D.D, which I as fine with. It bothers me to no end sometimes how I can not focus on one thing no matter how hard I try. So I gladly went, bringing on the help and any drugs that may come along with that help as assistance. Well as I’m sitting in this chair, in this mans house, because he does the testing from his home? Which I found was odd to begin with, but convenient because he lived in my neighborhood, so after the THREE HOURS OF TESTING I didn’t have a far drive. So I am sitting at his dinning room table, wondering 30 minutes into this process why it was going to take him 3 hours to access whether or not I had A.D.D, because for starters trying to make me sit in a chair-still, quiet, and focusing on a test? In itself is enough proof that I most likely have it. So about midway into this test I realize there is no way that the question he has just asked me “do you stay in your room secluded from people for long periods of time” would have anything to do with me having attention problems, and it dawns on me the reason he probably is set up in his nice peaceful house, away from doctors is because this is no ordinary A.D.D testing place. This is a place to test me for ANY disorder that may pop up on the thousands we have today in America. So, I finish the testing, happy with myself that I discovered my mom and my new examiner in there sneaky plot to see what’s wrong with me. After the gruesome test I gave my wonderful mother a call to tell her the news I had discovered all on my own. Now, pause, the doctor was not able to make a complete assessment on the disorders I have right then. Apparently he needed time to go over and analyze the 400 plus questions I had answered along with all the tests I had completed in the last 3 hours. Which makes since, we don’t want him putting all my hard work to waste by just going off on a wild limb at what might be my problem. So before I walk out of his calming, peaceful house he informs me that from his observation, which he has plenty of time to do between my shaking leg, tapping fingers, getting angry and blocks that wouldn’t make the right form and throwing them and all the other many things I managed to do in that time slot, he made a guess that he was pretty positive I have (drum roll please) A.D.H.D, Anxiety disorder, AND O.C.D. I know right? The best part when I tell everyone this is that they all go when are you getting your drugs? Because, apparently, those disorders come with fabulous medication. So I call my mom to ask her why she didn’t tell me that it was a test to just find out if I have a problem paying attention but to figure out everything that could be wrong and she goes:

  “ Well I knew you would worry about what might be wrong with you if I told you
  that and you wouldn’t be able to focus in school all day until you took the
  test and then you would freak out if whether you were doing everything right during the test, so I just left it at an A.D.D. test.”
  

  
  I had nothing to do after that but laugh, and then inform her about the doctor’s assessment that matched her explanation to not telling me the truth TO A TEE! So, all this to say, don’t let your mom trick you into those tests. They are no fun what so ever and they make you do things that are impossible to see how you respond when you can’t do it.
  
  OH one more thing. They play opera music in the background that makes you want to shoot your foot.
  
  On to something other than my many disorders, after an eventful abnormally drama-filled week for a private school, I have decided I could make some MAD money off of my schools problems. All I need are some actors, a set and some money to produce the soap opera on a TV. show (and p.s. after producing this show I will pay you back the money plus some because it will be a huge success.) I have discovered no where else, besides reality TV which I am pretty sure they base off of high school experiences to begin with, can you find more back-stabbing, self consumed, conniving, love-sick, need for attention, do anything as long as it doesn’t make me look bad people in the entire world. Well, I am sure you can but so far in my life experience, which I know I know is not very much, this is the only place that I am positive you can find all of the above traits, if you’re interested in these things, that is. I am overwhelmed by everything that is going I can’t take it. The worst part is, is most of the people are professing Christians. With EVERYTHING that is going on, and im not talking about the big-highlight, what would make the front of the gossip magazine if we had one things that are going on im talking all the way down to the little things, all of it all has to do with people who on Sundays you would not think a problem was in there forecast for miles upon miles. It is literally insane. Now, by no means am I sitting here saying that I don’t have any problems like these people or that I am any better than them in the least bit. As I just stated in the paragraph before this, I have many issues of my own. I will tell you that in a heart beat. But I am saying that I don’t understand how some of these situations come up since the people are saying “oh im giving it all to God.” I can’t fathom it. Im sorry, it just doesn’t click in my brain.
  I think I need to stop here. I could most definitely say more, but I don’t think I need too. So I may vent all that out and just save it in a draft. Yes, check.
  
  Moving on.
  
  In philosophy we are talking about all the different types of love. Or I guess more so the different Greek definitions of love. Here, let me enlighten you before continuing so there is no confusion or homework after reading this short novel im producing.
  Eros-Romantic, passionate love, this does not have to include physical attraction but more love of the soul. Also, sexual love.
  Philia or Philos- Friendship love, as in being loyal, equality and so on. It can also be used between lovers too.
  Agape- this is like general affection, and holding someone in high regard. It also deals with self-sacrificial love for whatever is being loved. Unconditional, all consuming
  Storge- natural affection, like between parents and children and relationships with family
  LAST but not least
  Thelema- in greek this means desire, so this is like to be occupied with or ‘desire’ to do something.
  All that to say I hope you leave this page feeling like you have learned something at least after reading all this, which I thank who ever is wasting there time to read all this in the first place. Now on to why I just decided to give a small lesson. For starters, I think the Greeks were amazing and incredibly smart. I hate how English boxes in the word love. I can love to read, love my friends and love God and those are all vastly different things.
  I was thinking today after class if it was a bad thing for me to love my close friends with agape love? My teacher, which side note, this will be the third year in a row that I have learned about these different types of love but for some reason this year it really caught my attention, was explaining how agape would be a type of love where you are willing to lay down your life and do anything it would take to protect that person you loved. AKA- Jesus death on the cross, God’s unconditional love, all would be thrown into Agape. He threw in there that if situation presented itself, if you needed to harm a person, for example if someone was going to hurt someone I “Agape” loved and I had a gun you would shoot them to protect your love one. Or another example would be you laying down your life for that person’s sake. He said most of the time this is with family especially once you become married. I think you get the picture im kind of tired of repeating his lecture BUT I was thinking if it’s bad for me to love my best friends with this kind of love. Because I would, if I needed to, harm another person to keep the one I loved safe. But then would that mean I am selfish for thinking of that person and how much I loved them and not caring about the third party to this scenario? Im not sure. It sure made me feel awful when I admitted to myself that I would shoot someone, if someone was dumb enough to give me a gun and I figured out how to use it, to protect someone I loved. And the fact that I was using Agape to describe how I would harm someone else to save my loved one when in that same definition I had to think of God sending his son to sacrifice to have me for eternity. Honestly, I felt worthless after it all and was thankful for the unconditional part of agape.
  
  But imagine if we did walk around with that idea of love in our head? Where we could go as far as to lay down our life for another person, always putting them first, and unconditionally loving them no matter what happened? Actually, you could probably go as far as to say what if we walked around with the combination of all these types of love for everyone else? Imagine the different world we would live in? I feel as though today love as become a selfish thing. People love to see what they can get out of it in return, and if it’s inconveniencing them or causes them to suffer, well then you can forget that-onto the next victim. Love has turned into this self-focused thing. It kills me that something that is such a gift is so easily used for self gratifying purposes.
  
  

  I don’t understand how we are so twisted, it blows my mind.

Good thing we are saved by grace.

Ephesians 2:10

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.