Behold the Glory that's before me.

"How happy some o'er other some can be!

Athens I am thought as fair as she.

But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so;

He will not know what all but he do know:

And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes,

So I, admiring of his qualities:

Things base and vile, folding no quantity,

Love can transpose to form and dignity:

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;

And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind:

Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste;

Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste:

And therefore is Love said to be a child,

Because in choice he is so oft beguiled.

As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,

So the boy Love is perjured every where.."

over break i plan on reading "A Midsummer Night's Dream"

we'll have to see how it goes, since i have 3 other books i want to read also.

Along with those books, i plan on getting back into the swing of things with writing.

writing everything.

including this. those of you who have beleaguered me to write something worth reading, hopefully you will be happy once it actually happens.

break starts tminus 15 hours & i'm out of here for a month=Praise.

you'll have to forgive me...

I've just been informed that my blog is out of date.
So sorry friends.
I've been busy with college life stuff.
I know, i know-that's no excuse. BUT i'm going to use it anyways.

Even though "Excuses are the nails that built the house of failure"
it's okay, because i already know i'm a failure, but that i'm also saved by grace.

So we're good right? Great. I promise i'll get on this soon. I want to.

I actually realized yesterday that i miss writing alot. I never get a chance to do it anymore. I threw out two songs yesterday, out of thin air, and it felt like i had taken a huge breath of fresh air.

So i think i'll throw myself a welcome back party soon and get to work on something.

until then.

London bound.

Today at two I will be boarding a plane and after a day of travel will eventually end up in London. I’m super pumped for our group (about 16 people) who are going on this mission’s trip. It’s definitely going to be an experience. We are doing a kids camp along with service projects and similar things in the afternoons. I know I’ll come back with a million stories about the actual work that God did through us there… but I’m also super excited for all the fun times that are bound to happen. There will be funny stories out the wazoo with the group of people that have been combined.

Our good times have already started since this morning a few of us decided to try to beat jet lag by waking up at 3 am so that it would be about 6 or 7 London time. We plan on sleeping on the long plane ride and this will hopefully go ahead and put our bodies on London time. Four of us decided instead of waking up at 3 on our own we would wake up and go eat breakfast together to try to wake ourselves up.
So this is what my morning has looked like so far:
-Woke up at 3:30 from a call from Lindsey because I slept through the other 5 alarms that went off.
-Drove to the Ihop on assembly and had a awesome breakfast with Tom, Lindsey and Ali (downed about 3 cups of coffee...)

-Drove to the state house
-For some reason it took us a while to find parking even though it was only 5 am… that tricky downtown parking will mess with you when you are sleep deprived.
-walked around the state house.
-filmed a video of Linds, tom & ali running up the stairs to eye of the tiger.
-walked to one of the parking garages on gervais
-woke up a homeless man (by accident) on the stairs and proceeded to take the elevator from there.
-sat on the top of the parking garage and waited for the sun rise

-it finally came and was beautiful and well worth the wait.

-drove to the river walk.
-walked the river walk.
-left the river walk.

So now I’m just hanging out (trying to keep my eyes open.) We are meeting at the church at 11 then we are off! I’m so excited. Please keep our team in your prayers!

Blessed.

Sometimes i forget how blessed i am... then i remember who i have as a best friend.

Since 7th grade church band practice, to walking to each others houses just to hang out, rolling pumpkins down hills, driving all over town wasting a ton of gas just because we could finally drive, sitting at starbucks on a saturday nights reading the news paper because we had nothing better to do and figured that was the cool thing, going to a million random shows and never fitting in with the crowds dress code, waking up super early on sunday mornings to church hop, helping me paint my porch just because she's a good friend, going to books a million to sit and read magazines, borrowing clothes like there's no tomorrow, always being patient with my constant worry and crazy storys, also always being willing to slap some sense into me... literally, to letting each other drive the others car just because we're lazy, to going on missions trips together and signing up for camps when we were the only highschool girls, to going to the others house with a planned nap on the agenda, to car jam out sessions, to letting the other one talk you into waking up way too early just to go get breakfast together, to the million pictures she always allows me to take, to nights where we decided not sleeping was a good idea and the nights where not sleeping came from hours of talking;

of course we've done stupid stuff here and there... but i wouldn't change a thing.

It kind of sucks because she is going to Clemson next year (she's got mad talent and brains) and i'm going to CIU... so for the first time in 6 years we won't be able to see eachother when ever we want. It's going to be rough. but i know things won't change. that's just the way it is; and the way it's always been. our texting bill may go way up and that handy new application skype might be put to use... but the distance won't put a damper on our friendship.

I think there are some people who are just supposed to always be there, taking life one step at a time with you.

Plus she's going to be my maid of honor and vise versa... so we have to stay friends so we can help with eachothers weddings :]

Disclaimer to lindsey: i'm sure i forgot some awesome memories, please forgive me-maybe we should record them down in a book or something.

all this to say: i sure love this girl a wholleeeeeee lot and thank God when ever i think of her for blessing me beyond comprehension.

Grace.

“Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your Glory take my life and
let it be Yours.”

It’s so easy to live that out when you’re in a camp setting. When people to your right and left are all working together towards the same goal. But then you’re thrown back into the real world; where you don’t find many who are trying to reach your same goal. And to live out the meaning of that line comes into a whole new perspective. It’s one of those things that should be expected but when you sit back and realize it’s happening right in front of your eyes, it completely catches you off guard.

Last week was Go Camp. Midtown puts it on each summer; and for the past two years it’s rocked my face off. It’s all about GOING and serving. It’s not supposed to just be a week of service; once you leave that camp setting, it’s up to you to plan the service projects and get a group of kids together who are willing to sacrifice their time to serve- you slowly realize it’s not as easy as it sounds. But this actually isn’t the reason I decided to dust off the cobwebs to my blog. There are a few things on my mind that are causing me to loose sleep.

Two characteristics were talked about at camp. First there was the performance person who is obsessed with appearance (‘As long as everyone thinks I’m okay, I am.’). Failure for these people is devastating. They do what they have to (out of duty) so that everyone is happy. They don’t like jacked up people, as though sin could be contagious and their identity is found in being the best. Then there are the grace people: they walk in the light, their very vulnerable, their open to help and they expect failure from themselves because they know they’re jacked up. They are joy-driven and their identity is found in Christ. And they love broken people because they know they’re broken too.

If you’re like me you compared yourself to the grace person and realized the only thing that may match up is expecting failure because you realize how much you suck.
But the hard part is when you turn and start to point fingers at others and classify them. Even if you’ve gotten to a point where you match up as a grace person and you turn to point the blame or become prideful in the fact that “you’re at least better than them” you’re slapped right back into square one. Or what could be worse is if you ever achieve the grace qualifications and you realize it. Even if you boast to yourself about the fact that you finally achieved it you’ve just failed again. But maybe since you’re a grace person you already saw that coming? It’s a redundant cycle that obviously continues because we’re human; but it is frustrating none the less.

It’s also hard when you realize you may be surrounded by performance people who aren’t looking at becoming a grace person anytime soon. I’ve realized God puts people in you’re life at certain times for his own reasons… but he also takes them away for his own reasons. And His reasons, from a human perspective are not understandable. It can be so frustrating, confusing and upsetting. But what’s crazy is when you begin to see the difference of Him putting someone new or taking someone out can have on you.

Another thing I’ve also been struggling with is forgiveness. I may have already written a blog on this? I can’t remember. This has been my recent struggle though; the fact that I don’t deserve forgiveness. Not an inkling in my body deserves grace-yet God killed his son for me. So in response, along with giving Him everything; I need to forgive just as He forgave me. That is SO much easier said than done. It’s so easy when we’re wronged as a selfish human to turn and go “how dare them! I deserve better than that” When in reality, we deserve hell in a hand basket. I’ve been struggling with this big time. It’s hard when someone has done something that is clearly wrong, no matter what view you’re looking at it from. Or when they just don’t treat you right, period; and haven’t done anything to deserve it. What’s hard is when they don’t know that you know. And you have to forgive and love them and treat them the same all behind their back. As I was thinking through all this I was really on the verge of giving up and just taking the “they wronged me I don’t have to love them” attitude- God hit me in the face with this. No where through Jesus’ time on earth was it always easy for him, not everyone was always happy with him and through it all-even as he was being beaten- he loved throughout all of it. Even Paul, who besides Jesus was probably one of the greatest missionaries in the world, turned to God and still sent his love as he was in prison!
Then he brought back to mind this passage:

“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge I will pay them back.” Says the Lord. Instead “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” Romans 12:19-21

Hardcore, right? I know. I was completely humbled when I read that. So I handed it all over toGod at that point. I know that in no way will I be able to love this person like I’ve been loved, or forgive them like I’ve been forgiven. But ONLY God through me will be able to achieve this. And what a weight it lifted off my shoulders. "Hope which was lost, now stands renewed. I give my life to honor this..."

“My Grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

legit.

Hast thou no scar?

No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?

I hear thee sung as mighty in the land;

I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star.

Hast thou no scar?Hast thou no wound?

Yet I was wounded by the archers;

spent,Leaned Me against a tree to die;

and rent By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned.

Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?

Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,

And piercèd are the feet that follow Me.

But thine are whole; can he have followed far

Who hast no wound or scar?

BY AMY CARMICHAEL,
IRISH MISSIONARY TO INDIA FOR 55 YEARS

love it.

wow.

I just realized i have not put up a new blog since February... really? i can't believe that. I need to get the show on the road. So much has happen that i need to write about. Hopefully i'll find time soon to do that. Just so it is known since i've been M.I.A-i'm still here- and still plan on writing.
For now you should go listen to these songs:
1.Glory to God Forever-Steve Fee
2.Till i see you-hillsong
3.Had me at hello-A day to remember

Then go check out how amazing my Grandpa is & what he had made for my Graduation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwQwZWcfT7A

Human Nature.

A great writer, who also happens to be one of my role models, once told me that for a writer not to write is like asking a fish not to swim or a bird not to fly. At first I disregarded that as a silly statement, but then I got to thinking and I’m pretty sure he may be onto something. Because I have noticed that when I do not write and I keep my million, random, fanatical thoughts inside my head is when my life begins to spin a bit out of control. Good news though; normally right when im about to go insane, I write viciously (not just blogs) until my hearts content and things seem to get back on track. Although this is not one of those times when I am having a monumental break through with myself, I have decided I should probably write more as precautious self-prescribed therapy. We’ll see how long it that lasts before im beginning another blog with “sorry it’s been so long...”

There are few issues with human tendencies that have been eating at me for a while. So Im going to try to break them down as best I can, seeing how I have boiled over them for quite some time so I have developed quite an opinion about all 3 matters. Before I go on a rampage about them all I will leave yet another disclaimer: I am fully aware that I am not perfect, and no where in this am I trying to convey that message. I am simply expressing personal thoughts about my own and others character flaws. But we’re only human, so it’s already expected we have a multitude of them.
For starters, I have begun to notice more frequently how people expect so much from others but rarely practice it themselves. Need example? Don’t worry, I have plenty.
You know how people always say “Forgive and forget”? I think the saying, better translated should be-“Forgive me or I’ll forget you, Wrong me and forgetting is free.” Okay, so that one is not as catchy. But it’s more realistic. And it’s the truth. I’ve noticed that people are so expectant for others to forgive them but so hesitant when it comes to forgiving someone who’s wronged them. How messed up is that! It is one of the ultimate examples of our underlying sinful nature. Shame. It’s like a human code or something, im not joking there. I seriously think there is some code we have adapted to that says “Alright, if you screw someone over, they should obviously forgive you, you’re only human right?! BUT if they wrong you, ohhhhh boy, you better drop them and run the other way-every man for himself right?” Thank you, Satan for your LIES! This is what really gets me-this shouldn’t be an issue in the church. But it is. A big one at that. I know that the church is full of sinners alike, but that should not give us any excuse for holding a grudge. Galatians 2:20 says “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Amen. I basically could just stop with that verse. But I’m not going to. Even though that verse pretty much sums it up for us! As Christ followers, the Church should act as Christ does! We should be the leading examples in how to forgive! But why is it that so many people turn away from churches from simple issues like someone not forgiving another and it causing tension? Geez. America needs to get on it. No, better yet- the church needs to get on it so that America can see what to do THEN they can hop on board. I understand that the issue at hand is not a light one. It is one thing to say “I forgive you” and actually do it. It is another thing entirely to actually forgive them where you can treat them with the full love of a brother/sister in Christ. So it’s like a two step package. So why is it that we still expect, even sometimes as Christians, for everybody to do 1 & 2 when we do something that offends them; but if it’s the other way around we automatically put up a wall and rid ourselves of that relationship?

It sounds as though I have had an epiphany and I am about to reveal the secret to human nature. Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have the secret. Except for the Christ element. That’s pretty much a key factor. Then the whole Christ’s-followers-actually-following-what-Christ-said-to-do thing. On another note, have you ever noticed how quick some people are to judge but hate being judged? Why is that? It’s like the one thing their good at they don’t want anyone else doing it to them, which doesn’t make a lick of sense. Then there are some people who walk around with the over zealous attitude of “I don’t care what people think about me at all!” but those people turn out to be the ones who actually care the most. Why is it that when someone new walks into the picture everyone makes automatic assumptions of what that person is like/does/wants out of life-BUT if we were to hear of them doing the same thing towards us we would be completely offended. I just don’t understand how some people think that way and don’t see the problem with it.

There’s also another issue I’ve been thinking about a lot lately; why adults see teenagers as useless, lazy, not committal, selfish, irresponsible kids. I think with this topic we can really only blame ourselves… but why don’t we do something to change that? I know I shouldn’t get tired of hearing adults tell groups ive been with that we're not like other teenagers, that we don't fit the normal teenage mold. That is good news in itself. But after service projects when adults go on and on about how “it’s just so special to see people-especially teenagers- sacrificing their time to serve others.” That kills me. Why can that not be expected of us? I wonder how long and how many people it would require to break out of that stereotype of the “typical lazy selfish American teenager” I realize I don’t have very long left to claim that title, but I want to take full advantage of the time I do have left to change that. I hate being typical, and I hate fitting into the same mold as everyone else. But if everyone began to fit into the new mold (the one where we are willing to serve, and sacrifice our time and all the other things that go along with it) I wouldn’t mind being like alot of other people; if we all shared that trait. In fact- I would be thrilled to share that same mold with as many people who decided to claim it.

I can't think of a title.

I’m not even sure where to begin this one. I have so many things running through my mind at the moment I should probably go ahead and apologize for any thing I may say that doesn’t make a lick of sense, because basically im about to type out my thoughts. Which sounds simple when I first say it but if you knew the extent to which I dissect every little thing I think up I think more people would understand why im always tired; or worried. All that to say: shall we dive into the deep abyss of my thought pool?
Ready-GO!

I’ve decided I strongly dislike dating in high school. In fact, I wish I would have known my freshman year or better yet my 6th grade year, that by the time I would become a senior I would have wished them all away. Okay, so that’s a little harsh. I do have some good memories. And I have learned and matured through many of the relationships. But who knew adults and the older, wiser people were right when they said “it’s not worth the stress, just wait until after high school.” Oh how naïve we are. And what’s funny is we think we are so smart when it comes to dating, like we are the first ones to experiment with it or something. Geez.
Now let’s press pause real fast so I can leave a disclaimer: I am not here to bash any high school relationships that are still going strong or any relationships that have or will turn into life long, lovely marriages. All these views in which I will express will be coming from personal views and experiences.
Anyways, I have decided that for the remainder of my high school career (which I realize is not much to say) I am going to toss dating out the window. I’m not sure if I even would want to pursue a relationship freshman year of college. But I am not making any promises here. I feel as though in high school you’re looking for someone to just accept you and love you for who you are. But when it all boils down, they probably not loving the real you (please remember the disclaimer here). It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of dating and everything that comes along with it, that it becomes so easy to just change everything you have promised yourself you would never change. I’m pretty sure that every single person that has ever been in a relationship has previously stated this statement: “I will never change myself at all for any guy/girl.” I can pretty much guarantee that one. But in reality, we all know that humanly speaking this is basically impossible. Especially in young relationships. When it starts your all excited because the guy you’ve had a crush on finally notices you, so all those days spent day dreaming about what it would be like if he liked you finally start to come true. So what’s the first thing you do? Well that’s a no brainer- you go and in some form of a stalking manner find out every last detail about his life (that is attainable from some other means than him telling you) and every thing he is interested in. This way you are fully prepared to always be in the state to hold a conversation and catch his interest with all of yalls “shared” interests. Now, I don’t know what mood I have just produced in starting this, but I would like to say it has become a very sarcastic one so I am, for those who can not tell, exaggerating small things for effect of what im trying to get across. Don’t leave this blog thinking im a lunatic.
So, now with all your new found knowledge about the guy that started as just a little crush occupying your day dreams, you are now faced with the lovely task of making sure you always look presentable. And we are not just talking add 5 extra minutes to your normal routine here. I’m talking the stress over what you’re going to wear for a solid 20 minutes, before even beginning to try anything on. And along with that task you always get the privilege of coming up with dumb excuses to make a trip to the bathroom every so often to make sure you don’t have your shirt on inside out, or broccoli stuck between your teeth or a friend hanging out of your nose that no one has bothered to tell you about all day. And to think we have a holiday dedicated to recognizing your significant other (which happens to be around the corner, convenient this was on my mind?). Then by the end of the day after all that stress you get the honor of looking back on that day and picking apart every single encounter you had with this said “special” person and making sure you said or did the right thing. And who knows how long this process can sometimes take. After all the beginning stages of dating occur then you get to the big climax of it all: Making it official. That’s when you go home, log into facebook, change your “relationship status” get all the lovely comments from all your friends who, by the way, all already knew it was about to happen, it’s just something about commenting on the new relationship status on facebook that makes it so much better than in person. So now that yall have become facebook official, had the pre-stress of impressing the other, and won each others heart, you come to stand still in the road. Pretty much, a spot where you go “okay, now what?” But this doesn’t last long. Then, not only do you have to maintain the personal appearance stress, but now you have to make sure that you are aware of everything you say or do to make sure it is not taken the wrong way by your new significant other or better yet; bystanders who love to meddle in other peoples relationships. This is when the real fun begins. Or I’d say more of a relationship test. It’s around the time the little arguments start or you start realizing that really, you both don’t have anything in common at all. This is also when you begin to pick up little things he or she does that get on your nerves to no end. OR what’s far worse are things that you used to think were so cute and now make you want to barf you’re so sick of them.
Also around this time you realize you’re not the only one with the stalking skills and that your once “perfect for each other” significant other has also memorized everything you love to do. So, now you realize that neither of you like the same things, little things all the way down to there breathing habits are beginning to annoy you, you’ve consumed the past(how ever long this has continued) time obsessing over them and now you get to stress over how your going to end it all. Which, I could write on for days. But for the sake of how much I have already rambled I will condense it. You now get to go through the following: do I make it my fault so it looks like im the one at fault here, when really it’s not me at all, but that way they won’t be as upset? Do you just lay it on them that yall no longer share anything in common, including the liking each other part? Or do you try scheme up ways to make them break up with you first, so you can then play the devastated role when inside your swiping your head with a sigh of relief? So many options. So many roads you could travel. When in the beginning, had you of listened to all the people who said “just wait until you’re older” you wouldn’t even be in this mess in the first place. And now you’re stuck with one broken heart, a portion of your life that you can never get back, a lot of new memories (some good and some bad), a lot of learned lessons and a WHOLE LOT of gray hairs that are waiting to greet you one lovely morning.

I hope this isn’t making me out to sound like im ditching the prospects of ever dating again. I just think that for the time being I am completely content with just focusing on God and whatever he has planned for me. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if I could just skip all of the fun stuff I just thoroughly explained for everyone in excruciating detail and have my husband-to-be approach me and go ahead and propose. That would probably make life a lot simpler. But it would probably take away all the fun memories that yall would get to experience in all that fun time that the world has tricked us into calling fun=dating. But im sure that it all plays out much differently when you’re dating the person you’re supposed to marry. At least that is my hope. But obviously I won’t be able to blog on that for quite some time now.

---

On a side note, i saw a GREAT movie the other night that goes along with this post very well: "He's just not that into you." It is halarious and i loved it. You should go see it. It was well worth $7.50.


Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Stay tuned.

I have a few blogs in progress. A working progress, that is.

One that deals with a topic i have been wrestling in my thoughts about todays world. I may also have a few of ones i have begun and never finished. So those will be up soon.

For now, the verse that's kept me going:::

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11