Death: It's something we are all destined for and is the leading cause to 100% of the people that leave this earth. So why are we all so shocked by it? Why then, do we mourn the lost of loved ones so much to the point its unhealthy? Why do we want everyone that means even a small morsal to us, to be stuck on this earth, in whatever situation they might be in, why would we want them here with us just so we dont have to live with out them, instead of them being free of this mess and onto an eternity of paradise?
Could the one subject of death be the ultimate example of our selfishness?
Of course, its completly natural to be upset over a lost one, but if we KNOW there a christian and we know were saved, then really this isnt saying goodbye, more of a "i'll see you soon." So do we display our human tendancy of selfishness and "i want what makes me happy" when death is brought on? Personaly, i think so. It was kind of a personal revelation today when i thought this up. I heard a sermon last night at midtown about being content in every circumstance. No matter what. Good times, Bad times. Everything. If we are content in Christ at all times, what then could rob us of our joy? Nothing on this earth would have that power. If we were all content in Christ would we be so selfish as to wish that someone suffering to the point its killing them to stay on this earth just so they dont leave US? Rather than them being set free to live with there creator, pain free. I don't understand it. I will admit that saying "i want to be content in Christ at all times, no matter what is going on" is ALOT easier said than done, but imagine if a small group of people did do that. The ripple affect would be earth shattering. That's one of my new goals. Seems a little more dominant compared to the other ones now that seem childish.
Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV)
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future
My great grandpa was pronounced dead at 1:25 today. just as i finished typeing everything above this. At 93, he's lived a long life. One that many people will remember. He served in the WW2 and was a passionate lover of golf. To me, he was like my personal popye, laugh included and all. He even had the tatoos, the bald head, he cooked AND even in his 90's he still had the muscle arms. The laugh was just the cherry on top. He had a sense of humor too. One that could get anyone laughing, no matter the age. He was loving and gentle and someone i'll never forget. I dont want to remember him how i last saw him. He was in more pain than i ever want to witness anyone i love that much in. This slapped me in the face when i thought about how God had to watch his son die. How mind boggling is that? I had to watch my grandfather, hooked up to machines, barely strong enough to hold his head up, bu still managed a smile, and i thought i wasnt going to last? How much of a pathetic human am i? My mom, who drove up to augusta late last night when they got the call that he had less than 24 hrs to live, said that the whites of his eyes were now black and he wasnt blinking, and she was pretty sure he had gone blind, around 1:00 he was being kept alive by his pace maker, and they were waiting for the docter to pronounce him dead. They were just waiting on him to stop breathing. I was praying with all my might over here, but i wasnt sure what to pray for.
Do i pray for strength? hes holding on by a hair in more pain than ive ever witnessed, and im praying that God will give him what he needs to endure this? Or do i pray that he will give my family strength for when he brings him home to paradise? Do i pray for contentment that they will be able to see the light side of this that he is home now, pain free, IN PARADISE shareing his popye laugh with everyone. Now that hes released from this, im praying for wisdom. I know exactly what i want to say when my parents come home and have to break the news to the rest of my brothers and sister. I know exactly what i want to say when i have to see my dear gradma, one of my role models in life, and i have to see her broken down for the lost of her earthly father. Do i keep my mouth shut and wait for the right time to say that now is when she needs to depend on her heavenly father? or that we can be satisfied in Christ becasue he, unlike humans, are not going anywhere. And he will always bring us joy no matter WHAT the circumstance. I think im going to save it. For a day or so at least, i dont think today would be the right day. I guess now i know to pray for comfort then the right words.
So one last question. Is it wrong of me to be this calm after a death of a loved one? That im sitting here wondering how to say everything? Or is this where the strength of Christ comes? im not sure. I know one thing. I really dont want to voice the fact that im this calm. That im releaved that he isnt suffering. Yes, i will shed a tear when i have to think back that ill never get one of his hugs, he was one of the best to get a hug from, and im sure i am going to break down when im sitting at his funeral. But these feelings wont all last. They are unreliable just like everything, but christ. the song in christ alone came to mind when i finished typing all this.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
If you think about it, could you keep my family in your prayers?
3 comments:
First let me say I am sorry for your loss and yes, I will definitely put you in my prayers. I stumbled upon your blog and felt the push to comment... When you lose someone you love to death there should be no guilt in your sadness - no guilt in your pain. It's Ok to grieve for as long as you need to - what's the rush? I lost my dad to cancer when he was only 50 and it was so very hard. I know God has him and that helps but, like you said, when it hit me that I'd never hear his laugh again, well, that really stung. I never felt guilty for missing him or wishing he were still here and I know God understands that. 100%. Good luck on your life's journey. Take care.
Breebie: Your ideas, questions and thoughts are as profound as anything C. S. Lewis ever wrote. Know what? Grandpa Cody knows all the answers! Just like the rest of us on earth, he used to see dimly. Now, because he is in heaven with Jesus, he sees clearly. He knows all the answers to all the questions that mankind has asked since the dawn of time and everything makes sense. Isn't that exciting? It is OK for us to cry because we no longer have him. Jesus cried for Lazarus before he raised him from the dead. But, as you point out, through our tears we must be able to see the big picture: Grandpa Cody is fully alive!!! And we will see him again one day when we get to heaven. Mama and I have always known God had big plans for you ever since you were baptized when you were six. But the way He is using you right now is extraordinary. I know Grandpa Cody would be so proud if he could read your blog. Know what? Maybe he already has read it! Mama and I love you.
Bah Bah
great post brittany...i understand exactly what you're saying...keep writing! you're doing a great job.
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