Avalanche.

The million dollar question of the year seems to be "what college do you want to go to?" Which could also be translated-"what do you want to do with the rest of your life?" Which at 17, i think someone has forgotten to show me where to buy the

"what to do with the rest of your life" book. Im starting to get worried.

Your entire life your told, make sure when you pick a job when your "grown up" its something you love, because you cant be happy if you dont love what you do. So thats the path i thought i would go down. Did people forget, on purpose, to not put a warning label under that statement? "Caution: Sometimes the "real world" wont have a job for what you love to do, and if they do, hah, well good luck trying to get it." I hate that 4 years of torture, and what can end up being 4 years of mistakes or 4 years of working your butt off, helps a board of important people decide if your equipped to go to that school. Frankly, i dont think thats how it should be gone about at all. No wonder so many people dont want to go to college, or are classified as "trying to find themself" when there searching for a college. We have people right and left slamming doors in our faces. Were constantly reminded of the one class we didnt really care about sophmore year, that dragged down the number that i cringe everytime its braught up, gpa. We have to make a decison that effects a large portion of your life, wait sorry, i mean to say the REST of your life. AND the best part is when you do decide what you want to do, you do decide where you want to go, what you want to do in life, or better yet where you feel God is calling you. Your dreams are set. You know its going to happen. You can feel it with everything thats in you. Then you break the news to people and it feels like they basically just punch you in the gut with there reaction. "your no where near good enough for that" is what they basically try to get across, in a nicer way of course. Or better yet is the comparison game, thats always a fun one. Where you are reminded with in a 10 minute time span, of all your smart friends, what colleges have already offered them a chance at success, and there perfect life there going to lead and then its turned back on you, so they dont forget to include you,of course, where they bring up everything on your list and compare it to the worlds and go

"O, sorry, looks like your not qualified to fulfill your dreams, keep looking kid."

Or the best is when you can tell someone doesnt believe in you.

Thats the ultimate right there.

Who wants to feel that? ever? lets keep that in mind next time were telling someone there not capable, because frankly this is what i want to scream in everyones faces

"Sorry, i have the power of Jesus Christ in me, and nothing on this earth will keep me from completing his will."

but of course i dont, and i polietly keep my mouth shut.

Thats what dragging me down. I know this Story isnt about me. Its all about God and bringing him glory through it all. So why, when it seems that im set on following God, everyone has to rip me in shreds to pull me farther from him than where i was before?

I think i wept for the first time tonight.

I've had my share of crying before, no doubt about that, but never like this.

I've had my share of crying for spiritual matters, never, ever, like this.
THIS was new.

And probally one of the most heartbreaking, bring you to your knees, head to the ground, feeling like theres no end to tears, moments of my life. I know, sad right?

Anyways. Basically i had a long talk with God. We covered alot too. And ive decided to change alot. For starters im not going to sit around and let people tell me what i can and cannot do with my life. Im also not going to let them tell me what path i need to take, what college i can and cannot go to and all that jazz. Im sick of living for myself and other people. Ive never prayed like this before. I know im saved. Ive been saved, for quite some time actually, but i think if i had to pick a term it would probally be rededicated? would best describe it.

Im done trying to live my faith on my own. Who ever put that thought in my head in the first place? Someone, please, go trip them. Because thats what i feel like has happened. Someone tripped me and its taken a while for me to get back to my feet. I've realized i cant do any of this on my own. NO matter how many people try to tell me " you just have to put your mind to it and you can do it." sorry, thats a lie. Maybe put your mind to christ, focus in on that first. Then give it a shot. there you go. that might work a little better. Im done living this way. Im ready to do anything and everything for God. and through him.

All A's my senior year? okay i can make that work, only through God though. Living for God not myself? only with his help. i DEFFINATLEY cannot make that happen on my own.

Relying on Gods truth, Gods word, Gods promises, Gods everlasting love, that will not let me fail, will not let me go, will not cut me down, hang me out to dry, or leave me feeling like i have no purpose to even try. THATS what im going to hold onto to get me through all this. Sorry satan, you lost this time.

No mans voice or action, anything you put me through, any thought you put in my head,

sorry its just not going to cut it this time.

While thinking that my eyes had been some how magically connected to a waterfall, this verse came to mind and i knew i had nothing to worry about.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future