Can love arise out of freedom?

"Imagine God in Heaven surrounded by the choirs of adoring angels singing hosannahs unendingly..."If I create a perfect world, I know how it will turn out. In its absolute perfection, it will revolve like a perfect machine, never deviating from My absolute will." Since God's imagination is perfect, there is no need for Him to create such a universe: it is enough for Him to imagine it to see it in all its details. Such a universe would not be very interesting to man or God, so we can assume that the Dvinity continued His meditations. "But what if i create a universe that is free, free even of me? What if I veil My Divinity so that the creatures are free to pursue their individual lives withotu being overwhelmed by My overpowering Presence? Will the creatures love Me? Can i be loved by creatures whom I have not programmed to adore me forever? Can love arise out of freedom? My angels love me unceasingly, but they can see Me at all times. What if I create beings in My own image as a Creator, beings whoa re free? But if I introduce freedom into this universe, I take the risk of introducing Evil into it as well, for if they are free, then they are free to deviate from My will. Hmmm. But what if I continue to interact with this dynamic universe, what if I and the creatures become the creators together of a great cosmic play? What if out of every occasion of evil, I respond with an unimaginable good, a good that overwhelms evil by springing out of the very attempts of evil to deny the Good? Will these new creatures of freedom then love Me, will they join with Me in creating Good out of Evil, novelty out of freedom? What if I join with them in the world of limitation and form, the world of suffering and evil? Ahh, in a truly free universe, even I do not know how it will turn out. Do even I dare to take that risk for love?"

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William I. Thompson "The Time Falling BOdies Take to Light"

Friends.

Lately i've been realizing how much i truly love my friends. It's not that deal where it's just "love you, meant it!" It's real, i would do anything to help you, keep you safe, make you laugh, keep you close, type love.

I think one of the hardest things i had to deal with in 2009 was coming to terms that i was loosing some very, very close friends. Regardless if it was because of false rumors, unneeded drama, or feelings that needed to be talked about but weren't, it hurts. It hurts to see people you love go on with their life without you, not even giving a second thought to catching up or keeping you in the know. It hard to watch a friend move on because a boy got in the way of how things were. Or to grow apart from a best friend, for reason you don't even understand.

I know one thing, looking back on friendships and the good laughs shared, i thank God that we got to walk through life together, even if it was a short time.

On the other end, one thing i LOVE is best friends that are amazing. My best friend since 8th grade is the bomb.com and i don't know how to say it otherwise. Although she's in Clemson things are still solid and i think we're still learning stuff about eachother, which is weird since i'm not sure there is much left to learn. And growing closer to people you've known for a while, what a blessing. All around, i'm so thankful God has blessed me with some amazing people in my life, whether it was a short but sweet friendship or an on going one, i treasure each one.

Moving on, i'd like to express how excited i am for 2010. I don't know why, i've never really been excited for a new year so this is a weird feeling. But needless to say i'm pumped for whatever it has in store.

Behold the Glory that's before me.

"How happy some o'er other some can be!

Athens I am thought as fair as she.

But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so;

He will not know what all but he do know:

And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes,

So I, admiring of his qualities:

Things base and vile, folding no quantity,

Love can transpose to form and dignity:

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;

And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind:

Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste;

Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste:

And therefore is Love said to be a child,

Because in choice he is so oft beguiled.

As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,

So the boy Love is perjured every where.."

over break i plan on reading "A Midsummer Night's Dream"

we'll have to see how it goes, since i have 3 other books i want to read also.

Along with those books, i plan on getting back into the swing of things with writing.

writing everything.

including this. those of you who have beleaguered me to write something worth reading, hopefully you will be happy once it actually happens.

break starts tminus 15 hours & i'm out of here for a month=Praise.

you'll have to forgive me...

I've just been informed that my blog is out of date.
So sorry friends.
I've been busy with college life stuff.
I know, i know-that's no excuse. BUT i'm going to use it anyways.

Even though "Excuses are the nails that built the house of failure"
it's okay, because i already know i'm a failure, but that i'm also saved by grace.

So we're good right? Great. I promise i'll get on this soon. I want to.

I actually realized yesterday that i miss writing alot. I never get a chance to do it anymore. I threw out two songs yesterday, out of thin air, and it felt like i had taken a huge breath of fresh air.

So i think i'll throw myself a welcome back party soon and get to work on something.

until then.

London bound.

Today at two I will be boarding a plane and after a day of travel will eventually end up in London. I’m super pumped for our group (about 16 people) who are going on this mission’s trip. It’s definitely going to be an experience. We are doing a kids camp along with service projects and similar things in the afternoons. I know I’ll come back with a million stories about the actual work that God did through us there… but I’m also super excited for all the fun times that are bound to happen. There will be funny stories out the wazoo with the group of people that have been combined.

Our good times have already started since this morning a few of us decided to try to beat jet lag by waking up at 3 am so that it would be about 6 or 7 London time. We plan on sleeping on the long plane ride and this will hopefully go ahead and put our bodies on London time. Four of us decided instead of waking up at 3 on our own we would wake up and go eat breakfast together to try to wake ourselves up.
So this is what my morning has looked like so far:
-Woke up at 3:30 from a call from Lindsey because I slept through the other 5 alarms that went off.
-Drove to the Ihop on assembly and had a awesome breakfast with Tom, Lindsey and Ali (downed about 3 cups of coffee...)

-Drove to the state house
-For some reason it took us a while to find parking even though it was only 5 am… that tricky downtown parking will mess with you when you are sleep deprived.
-walked around the state house.
-filmed a video of Linds, tom & ali running up the stairs to eye of the tiger.
-walked to one of the parking garages on gervais
-woke up a homeless man (by accident) on the stairs and proceeded to take the elevator from there.
-sat on the top of the parking garage and waited for the sun rise

-it finally came and was beautiful and well worth the wait.

-drove to the river walk.
-walked the river walk.
-left the river walk.

So now I’m just hanging out (trying to keep my eyes open.) We are meeting at the church at 11 then we are off! I’m so excited. Please keep our team in your prayers!

Blessed.

Sometimes i forget how blessed i am... then i remember who i have as a best friend.

Since 7th grade church band practice, to walking to each others houses just to hang out, rolling pumpkins down hills, driving all over town wasting a ton of gas just because we could finally drive, sitting at starbucks on a saturday nights reading the news paper because we had nothing better to do and figured that was the cool thing, going to a million random shows and never fitting in with the crowds dress code, waking up super early on sunday mornings to church hop, helping me paint my porch just because she's a good friend, going to books a million to sit and read magazines, borrowing clothes like there's no tomorrow, always being patient with my constant worry and crazy storys, also always being willing to slap some sense into me... literally, to letting each other drive the others car just because we're lazy, to going on missions trips together and signing up for camps when we were the only highschool girls, to going to the others house with a planned nap on the agenda, to car jam out sessions, to letting the other one talk you into waking up way too early just to go get breakfast together, to the million pictures she always allows me to take, to nights where we decided not sleeping was a good idea and the nights where not sleeping came from hours of talking;

of course we've done stupid stuff here and there... but i wouldn't change a thing.

It kind of sucks because she is going to Clemson next year (she's got mad talent and brains) and i'm going to CIU... so for the first time in 6 years we won't be able to see eachother when ever we want. It's going to be rough. but i know things won't change. that's just the way it is; and the way it's always been. our texting bill may go way up and that handy new application skype might be put to use... but the distance won't put a damper on our friendship.

I think there are some people who are just supposed to always be there, taking life one step at a time with you.

Plus she's going to be my maid of honor and vise versa... so we have to stay friends so we can help with eachothers weddings :]

Disclaimer to lindsey: i'm sure i forgot some awesome memories, please forgive me-maybe we should record them down in a book or something.

all this to say: i sure love this girl a wholleeeeeee lot and thank God when ever i think of her for blessing me beyond comprehension.

Grace.

“Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your Glory take my life and
let it be Yours.”

It’s so easy to live that out when you’re in a camp setting. When people to your right and left are all working together towards the same goal. But then you’re thrown back into the real world; where you don’t find many who are trying to reach your same goal. And to live out the meaning of that line comes into a whole new perspective. It’s one of those things that should be expected but when you sit back and realize it’s happening right in front of your eyes, it completely catches you off guard.

Last week was Go Camp. Midtown puts it on each summer; and for the past two years it’s rocked my face off. It’s all about GOING and serving. It’s not supposed to just be a week of service; once you leave that camp setting, it’s up to you to plan the service projects and get a group of kids together who are willing to sacrifice their time to serve- you slowly realize it’s not as easy as it sounds. But this actually isn’t the reason I decided to dust off the cobwebs to my blog. There are a few things on my mind that are causing me to loose sleep.

Two characteristics were talked about at camp. First there was the performance person who is obsessed with appearance (‘As long as everyone thinks I’m okay, I am.’). Failure for these people is devastating. They do what they have to (out of duty) so that everyone is happy. They don’t like jacked up people, as though sin could be contagious and their identity is found in being the best. Then there are the grace people: they walk in the light, their very vulnerable, their open to help and they expect failure from themselves because they know they’re jacked up. They are joy-driven and their identity is found in Christ. And they love broken people because they know they’re broken too.

If you’re like me you compared yourself to the grace person and realized the only thing that may match up is expecting failure because you realize how much you suck.
But the hard part is when you turn and start to point fingers at others and classify them. Even if you’ve gotten to a point where you match up as a grace person and you turn to point the blame or become prideful in the fact that “you’re at least better than them” you’re slapped right back into square one. Or what could be worse is if you ever achieve the grace qualifications and you realize it. Even if you boast to yourself about the fact that you finally achieved it you’ve just failed again. But maybe since you’re a grace person you already saw that coming? It’s a redundant cycle that obviously continues because we’re human; but it is frustrating none the less.

It’s also hard when you realize you may be surrounded by performance people who aren’t looking at becoming a grace person anytime soon. I’ve realized God puts people in you’re life at certain times for his own reasons… but he also takes them away for his own reasons. And His reasons, from a human perspective are not understandable. It can be so frustrating, confusing and upsetting. But what’s crazy is when you begin to see the difference of Him putting someone new or taking someone out can have on you.

Another thing I’ve also been struggling with is forgiveness. I may have already written a blog on this? I can’t remember. This has been my recent struggle though; the fact that I don’t deserve forgiveness. Not an inkling in my body deserves grace-yet God killed his son for me. So in response, along with giving Him everything; I need to forgive just as He forgave me. That is SO much easier said than done. It’s so easy when we’re wronged as a selfish human to turn and go “how dare them! I deserve better than that” When in reality, we deserve hell in a hand basket. I’ve been struggling with this big time. It’s hard when someone has done something that is clearly wrong, no matter what view you’re looking at it from. Or when they just don’t treat you right, period; and haven’t done anything to deserve it. What’s hard is when they don’t know that you know. And you have to forgive and love them and treat them the same all behind their back. As I was thinking through all this I was really on the verge of giving up and just taking the “they wronged me I don’t have to love them” attitude- God hit me in the face with this. No where through Jesus’ time on earth was it always easy for him, not everyone was always happy with him and through it all-even as he was being beaten- he loved throughout all of it. Even Paul, who besides Jesus was probably one of the greatest missionaries in the world, turned to God and still sent his love as he was in prison!
Then he brought back to mind this passage:

“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge I will pay them back.” Says the Lord. Instead “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” Romans 12:19-21

Hardcore, right? I know. I was completely humbled when I read that. So I handed it all over toGod at that point. I know that in no way will I be able to love this person like I’ve been loved, or forgive them like I’ve been forgiven. But ONLY God through me will be able to achieve this. And what a weight it lifted off my shoulders. "Hope which was lost, now stands renewed. I give my life to honor this..."

“My Grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9